a break

So I really have no clue on how many people actually follow my blog!! Sometimes I feel as if no one does & I am "UPDATING" to myself. But anyways ...

Because of my crazy schedule & life right now I have decided to take a break from this blog.
I am not done with it forever & I am sure I will come back after school. (IN 1 YEAR ... this GIRL IS ALMOST HALF WAY DONE!!!)

I still might sporadically post stuff but at least I wont have the thought in the back of my mind "WHY HAVE YOU NOT UPDATED YOUR BLOG?!?!?!"

If you were following me please do so on tumblr...
http://tiffanylmay.tumblr.com/
For me this is the type of blog I need now. Short & sweet. I have only been using it for 2 days but I really like it & think it will work great!

Love,
Tiffany

Update

Hey everyone!!! It has been almost 2 months since I last updated & I have to admit for awhile I forgot I even had a blog!! I even have an app on my phone now so I have no excuse besides not making time.

Nursing School

This semester is split up into two 8 week set of classes! The 1st 8 weeks was med-surg 2 & the next 8 weeks is psych. Med-surg 2 was extremely hard & I'm glad to be done with it!! I'm on spring break currently until Monday & then I will start my psych rotation. I can't believe how much I'm learning. The other day I was working at a doctors office & I had to call a patient & talk about his lab test. The doctor said that the patient needed to drink more water because his kidney test were abnormal. I noticed myself telling the patient more in detail about how older people don't get thirsty sometimes so they forget to drink & it is important... yaddy yaddy ya but after I got off the phone I couldn't believe it lol before I would have called & said specifically what the doctor noted. I am so proud of myself & In May I will be HALF WAY DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!!!

Ryan

Recently was moved to be the kitchen manager. He likes being the kitchen manager but he is opening more so the hours are different. I'm so happy for him because I know he really likes his job & his coworkers & especially his boss & upper management. The district manager calls Ryan the "golden boy"!! :) I guess there are a lot of Ryans so he has a nickname! I am so proud of him!! The Applebees yearly awards ceremony is in April so I hope he wins something & I hope his store wins a lot!! It is a fun night, we went last year when Ryan was employed by them for 1 day & everyone was so welcoming. I can't wait to go back this year when Ryan will know more people!!

Me

Nursing school pretty much consumes my life right now!! I am ok with that though. I can't believe I am living my dream of becoming a nurse!!! Sometimes school does stink though because I miss out on events or just hanging out with friends. I try to be good at keeping in contact with people but sometimes it is hard. I can't wait to have my working life back! SCHOOL IS HARD & When I leave school I still have homework/studying. When I left work before I didn't bring work home with me!!

LIFE

• It has been 2 months since my grandma Carole passed & I still think about her daily. I'm at peace & happy she isn't in pain. I am glad she didn't have to deal with the pain of the lung cancer treatment but I just wish I could still have her in my life. I used to laugh at her crazy way of using facebook... She would write in all caps & I told her it looked like she was screaming, she said it was easier because she didn't have to use shift ;) while using facebook chat I would have to tell her every so often to push enter because I could see her typing but then nothing would be there, we would both just be waiting for a response because she wouldn't push enter! Also she played a lot of facebook game and I used to give her a hard time about them but what I wouldn't give to see her asking for salt and pepper for her cafe game again!!
• I am looking for a new church in the Indy area. If anyone knows of any Lutheran churches, let me know!! I've really been trying to pray out loud even when I'm alone because I feel like I pray well (if you can even do that) in my head but when I say prayers out loud I stubble around or don't know what words to use. Hopefully I will get better & maybe within the next few months I will have a new church!!

Tomorrow is my last day of spring break. I'm going to have a relaxing Sunday & I hope you all do the same!! :)

XOXO

Grandma's dedication service

Yesterday was a good day! Very emotional in the beginning at the cemetery but after was better. We went to a church where our extended family members prepared a lunch for all of us!! There were probably 50-70 people there & you could feel the love and support in the air. Regardless of how people knew my grandma everyone came to show their support to my grandpa & his family!! It was great seeing family members I haven't seen since I was little & meeting friends of my grandma! It was also strange remembering things from when I was a child-I could remember the cemetery. I remember going there with my grandma to see her mom.
My grandpa was very strong! At the cemetery he was emotional and talked about how they had been together 46 years! I am sad for him to not have her anymore. I can't even imagine how he feels. They had 4 children together, many grandchildren & have shared many good times together. I hope he does well & I'm going to see him soon. He saved some stuff of my grandmas for Amber & I to look through. He has been cleaning house and getting rid of some stuff which might be his way of grieving but I hope he takes time to actually morn her lose!!
I love my family very much & it was great to spend time with them but the circumstance was very heart breaking to all. Miss you grandma!!

Our Grandpa has done this with his teeth since I was little :) He is so funny!

Uncle David & his family

Ryan & I

Aunt Jessie & some of her family!

Amber & I w/ our Mom

Amber & I w/ our Great Aunt & her twins :)

My grandpa with his brother & sisters

Cousins

We love our grandpa

2nd semester of Nursing school

This semester our classes are broken up into 8 week classes. The first 8 weeks I have advanced pharmacology, medical/surgical lecture, med surgical clinical. Next 8 weeks I have mental health lecture, mental health clinical, health promotions & advanced pharmacology.
I am already 2 weeks into the first 8 weeks and ready to pull my hair out! Although it is only 3 classes technically, it is so complex and difficult! I have class Monday & Thursday & clinical Tuesday & Wednesday. Each week in med surg lecture we cover 2 different body systems & each week we have a quiz or test! There are only 600 points in the class (200 final, 3 test @ 100 & 100 from quizzes and in class work) that is not a lot of points! So needless to say I am ready for the first 8 weeks to be over!! I'm 1/4 of the way done with the first 8 weeks already! YEAAAA

Hope you all have a great Saturday!! I'm on my way to my grandma's dedication in her hometown with all of her family!! I'm hoping for a great day & lots of great memories of my grandma. Thank you everyone for the love & support!! I truly have some amazing people in my life!! I can't tell you how many calls, texts, cards, tweets, comments, emails & facebook messages I have received regarding my grandma & I appreciate every single one of them!! She is gone but definitely not forgotten!! RIP Grandma

RIP Grandma Carole

A lot has happen the last couple of weeks & every minute was difficult. Like I said in my last post my Grandma Carole was admitted to the hospital Dec 24, 2011 & then diagnosed with lung cancer a few days later & since my last post my grandma Carole passed away Jan 7, 2012.

The passing of my grandma is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. My grandma, Amber & I had a special bond. Amber & I were her first grandkids & we grew up very close with my grandma. My mother worked a lot & we lived next to my grandparents. As a child I loved going over to their house because my grandma spoiled Amber & I and she always paid attention to us. She made us huge barbie doll houses, like mansion, not ones you can buy in the stores. All of our barbies had cars, clothes and extras made by grandma. She always rubbed our eyebrows and played with our hair. To this day I love having my hair played with & my eyebrows rubbed because of her. I love my grandma very much & she will be greatly missed.

In two short weeks I went to having my normal grandma to saying goodbye to my grandma & now missing her. Everything happened so quickly & it is still hard to believe she is gone. I was so fortunate to spend the last couple days of her life with her and I know she knew I was there for two days straight (same clothes & all) because I didn't want to leave her side. My sister & I were the last people she pulled in for a hug & for that I feel so blessed. There were a few times she asked me if she was going to get to go back to her house & I told her she would because I really believed she was going to. I thought she would push through & fight the cancer. I knew she was sick but for some reason I just thought she would get to go home.

I spent all day the 5th @ the hospital with my grandma & Aunt. She was on oxygen but just a nasal cannula not a mask. I left the hospital around 11pm to drive back to Indy & after sleeping a few hours I received a phone call from my aunt telling me grandma had a bad night. Amber had to work a double on the 6th but I had a gut feeling she should come with me, so she called off work & we went to Lafayette together. I entered my grandmas room on the 6th & noticed there was a food tray.--Working in the hospital I know families receive these from HOSPICE because there is going to be a lot of people in and out saying goodbyes & they want to make the families comfortable. Most people would appreciate the gesture of seeing cookies and beverages ... I was not happy because I knew what it meant! My grandma was placed on hospice for comfort measures :*( I lost it in the hospital waiting area calling my mom to tell her to get to Lafayette asap. The day before she passed she said she loved me and she was able to say small things with out getting short of breath. She was wearing a mask that was giving her 85% oxygen.

My grandma watched her mom go through the exact same thing (@ the same age...weird right?) & her wish was that she did not want to be on any breathing machine or extreme measures. So when my grandma required 100% oxygen, was not talking, moving or grasping my grandpa made the difficult decision of removing the breathing mask she was wearing. He was going to wait until 1/8 but it was clear she was passing, her organs were shutting down. My grandpa then decided to take the mask off Saturday Jan 7th @ 5:30pm. NOW this Saturday we have her dedication in her hometown Washington, IN, she was cremated so we are going to bury her ashes in between her mother & grandmother.

I love you grandma Carole, you will be missed tremendously.
Thank you for being an awesome grandma & now my Angel!

Grandma Carole

Christmas Eve I got a call from my mother telling me my grandma had been rushed to the hospital because she wasn't breathing on her own. Later they found out she had double pneumonia & her lungs were filled with fluid. After being in the hospital a couple days my grandma was informed she has lung cancer. I couldn't believe her diagnosis & I am still having a hard time accepting the fact that she has cancer. Every day we get more & more information on her condition. Currently she is still in the acute care unit in the hospital. My grandpa stays every night with her & she has tons of family members in & out each day keeping her company.
Thursday I went to visit her & she was doing well! She sat up & chatted with me for an hour or so, she said she was still in shock about having lung cancer. She also told me how much she loves me & how she has been so honored to be my grandma! I cried when I got to my car just thinking about this whole thing & have cried multiple times since. This whole thing is so sad :( Today I got a call that the doctors said they are stopping treatment for her pneumonia because of where the cancer is the pneumonia will keep coming back. They are treating the cancer with radiation & tomorrow is her second treatment. The doctors said if they can get the cancer under control they will treat her pneumonia. They are draining the fluid in her lungs but it keeps coming back. I don't understand why they wouldn't treat the pneumonia still but I guess I am not a doctor!! Just a medical assistant & nursing student who knows some medical stuff but definitely not enough. It is hard to see my grandma & grandpa go through this. My grandpa is a very strong man, he doesn't say I love you he doesn't show much emotion but I have heard he is breaking down & having a very hard time with this whole thing. My grandma is only 66 years YOUNG. She should have a lot more years left to share with my grandpa but I guess regardless of the amount of time, it would never be enough. The doctors told my grandpa to make sure family is very close by. <---this scares me!!! One thing that my grandma said on Thursday that was hard to hear was "I wish I would have stopped smoking 20 years ago" My grandma has always smoked & I have always wanted her to quit!!! IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT SMOKING KILLS PEOPLE!!! I don't understand why people would do something they know WILL hurt them!! SO if you smoke please STOP!! NOW... don't wait!!!
If you all will say a prayer for my grandma & my family I would really appreciate it! I am going to see her tomorrow & will update my blog later!