RIP Grandma Carole

A lot has happen the last couple of weeks & every minute was difficult. Like I said in my last post my Grandma Carole was admitted to the hospital Dec 24, 2011 & then diagnosed with lung cancer a few days later & since my last post my grandma Carole passed away Jan 7, 2012.

The passing of my grandma is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. My grandma, Amber & I had a special bond. Amber & I were her first grandkids & we grew up very close with my grandma. My mother worked a lot & we lived next to my grandparents. As a child I loved going over to their house because my grandma spoiled Amber & I and she always paid attention to us. She made us huge barbie doll houses, like mansion, not ones you can buy in the stores. All of our barbies had cars, clothes and extras made by grandma. She always rubbed our eyebrows and played with our hair. To this day I love having my hair played with & my eyebrows rubbed because of her. I love my grandma very much & she will be greatly missed.

In two short weeks I went to having my normal grandma to saying goodbye to my grandma & now missing her. Everything happened so quickly & it is still hard to believe she is gone. I was so fortunate to spend the last couple days of her life with her and I know she knew I was there for two days straight (same clothes & all) because I didn't want to leave her side. My sister & I were the last people she pulled in for a hug & for that I feel so blessed. There were a few times she asked me if she was going to get to go back to her house & I told her she would because I really believed she was going to. I thought she would push through & fight the cancer. I knew she was sick but for some reason I just thought she would get to go home.

I spent all day the 5th @ the hospital with my grandma & Aunt. She was on oxygen but just a nasal cannula not a mask. I left the hospital around 11pm to drive back to Indy & after sleeping a few hours I received a phone call from my aunt telling me grandma had a bad night. Amber had to work a double on the 6th but I had a gut feeling she should come with me, so she called off work & we went to Lafayette together. I entered my grandmas room on the 6th & noticed there was a food tray.--Working in the hospital I know families receive these from HOSPICE because there is going to be a lot of people in and out saying goodbyes & they want to make the families comfortable. Most people would appreciate the gesture of seeing cookies and beverages ... I was not happy because I knew what it meant! My grandma was placed on hospice for comfort measures :*( I lost it in the hospital waiting area calling my mom to tell her to get to Lafayette asap. The day before she passed she said she loved me and she was able to say small things with out getting short of breath. She was wearing a mask that was giving her 85% oxygen.

My grandma watched her mom go through the exact same thing (@ the same age...weird right?) & her wish was that she did not want to be on any breathing machine or extreme measures. So when my grandma required 100% oxygen, was not talking, moving or grasping my grandpa made the difficult decision of removing the breathing mask she was wearing. He was going to wait until 1/8 but it was clear she was passing, her organs were shutting down. My grandpa then decided to take the mask off Saturday Jan 7th @ 5:30pm. NOW this Saturday we have her dedication in her hometown Washington, IN, she was cremated so we are going to bury her ashes in between her mother & grandmother.

I love you grandma Carole, you will be missed tremendously.
Thank you for being an awesome grandma & now my Angel!